You are what you decide

I have this tendency to think that whatever that is happening to me if it's good then it's a test from Allah and when its not good (im not gonna say its bad) then its also a test but its also a punishment for me.
This way of thinking have been instilled in me by my mum since when i was little and i can categorize it as my 'natural reflex '. This is because, when im having a bad day, like the ones i had these past few days, there's this voice inside my head that says.."you must have done something wrong for you to deserve this"('this refers to punishment) well..when thinking rationally, of course there is something that i did..in action or in reaction that triggered the 'problems', otherwise things like relatioship problems will not occur, because it takes two to tango and because..again..the people that are in my life are all good people with good personality..not everybody is perfect,but generally, the people in my life are good people..and i am thankfull for that..really i am..but like i said..it takes two to tango..and therefore i think i need to take some time to refect upon myself..because these past months have been all about doing..taking actions..which is good..but i need some time to think about me..about what kind of person i wanna be and how do i improve myself..to be a better wife, daughter and so on..as for the 'test' part..i think everyday is a test for me..because this is life right? everybody have their problems..it's the way that they handle it that makes them different..and the test is to see how i handle my problems or 'tests'..this is because..from my point of view..its the decisions that we make in our everyday life that mounts up to what we are..its the way that we haddle things and challenges that makes up who we are..the things that we go through in life will make us better people..if we learn from our mistakes and if we make a better decision the next time and the next time and the next time..therefore we will eventually become better people with time..not perfect but better as the days and years go by..as we get older.. why do i want to be better? its just the natural state of my mind to improve everyday..one day at a time..because evrything change..nothing is constant..therefore i have to choose..good change or bad change..it is up to me..because god have given me the privilege to choose..LIFE..its easier said than done right..?but..like someone once said..

Watch your thoughts,
they become words,
Watch your words,
they become actions,
Watch your actions,
they become habits,
Watch your habits,
they become character,
Watch your character,
they become your destiny.

so i think what i have to do right now is start small..start from thinking about what im going to say, whether is it necessary or whether what im going to say will offend someone..even if they are mean to me..im going to start by making better decisions..because i knowthat all the small small things that i do will add up to be something big and will determine who i am..same as the words "you are what you eat".. im rephrasing it to "you are what you decide" in every moment and every day of your life.