Jealous Much?

Someone once said that lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained that lying to others. And I would be lying to myself if I said that I am not jealous of other people and their job. Now let's define jealousy. Jealousy is feeling resentment towards someone who has more. Let's see what resentment is. Resentment is a feeling of displeasure at someone or something. And displeasure means not pleasant. So what I’m feeling is that I am not pleasant seeing someone with their high stature and glamorous office work. There, I said it. And to be honest I feel good now that I've let it out. Because I feel that now that I have acknowledged it I actually don’t have anything to be jealous about. Let's see, why am I jealous in the first place? First it’s because they are constantly surrounded by intelligent people and to be frank I miss intelligent conversation so much. I crave it. The other reason why I am jealous is because my mum would like it for me to work based on what I studied and I can't because I just feel so dead working in an office. Having my creativity and my freedom of expression surpressed could literally kill my spirit! Believe me, I've been there and I won't go back. So why the jealousy? Because I can't give my mum what other children give their parents.  That's why. Another reason is because they all seem to have it all. It also seems that they all have their own work friend and community that they hang out with and I am jealous of that. But I know I should know better, I am blessed and jealousy shouldn't be an issue. But I am only human and I am not Miss perfect, I have my flaws and I accept them and acknowledging them in order to be better and to improve. I should be appreciative of what I have and I am thankful that I enjoy what I do for a living. There used to be problems but now I look forward for work because I love it. And I am so so thankful that I am not one of those people who say "Omg! Tomorrow is Monday and I have work!" I used to say that when I was working at Tan Chong Motors, I feel so dim-witted working from 7.45 am – 5.00 pm in the office without being able to create and express. But now I feel good teaching and doing make up. I aim at being discipline and punctual, and I honestly don’t mind if I have to work during weekends for a makeup job. I am so pleased I feel this way Alhamdulillah. I am also grateful because I have a flexible working hour. My work as a teacher starts at 6pm and ends at 10pm. And as an aspiring makeup artist I discipline myself to work from 9am -11pm and from 3pm to 5pm. And what I really love about my time is I can make breakfast, lunch and dinner for my husband, I can go swimming or jogging in the morning and I have some time left to garden or read or paint. Because it’s really important for me to be able to do these things, it’s who I am and it’s just my way of expressing myself. I am so gratified that I am able to do what I love and have a stable and ordinary income at the same time. Alhamdulillah, I really hope I can do more in helping my students because it means so much to me that they succeed. I also hope that I can do better in makeup and go further in this line of profession. Although some people might not view it as a high powered job, those who have high appreciation for art will surely understand. It is a form of expression, of talent and of creation. I am what I create and I have a vision of making unique and beautiful things and I will perform it with dedication.